Halloween: the time of year where people enjoy becoming someone else. Costumes vary from pumpkins to vampires to men doing very strange things to sheep (Did you guys get that email!). Which brings me to the question: Does a person’s costume choice reflect some deep psychological issues? Do people dress up “for fun” or does that guy really enjoy wearing women’s clothing? Does the choice to NOT dress up in costume communicate insecurity? Could someone’s costume choice reflect an undiscovered truth, a hidden secret or an unfulfilled passion?
Maybe I’m going a little far. Maybe. But over the years, I’ve made my own observations and I’ve broken down Halloween Costume choices into four categories. I welcome your comments and your own observations.
The “I Have No Balls” Costume
This person wakes up in the morning to take a big risk. His costume consists of one or more of the following:
- The Headband—Cat ears, alien antennas, or maybe a cowboy hat. Great. I’m sure this choice will win the big $100 prize at the end of the night. This person is obviously scared Halloween has some correlation with ‘judgment day’. He or she probably lays in bed at night thinking, “I really want to dress up, but I just can’t! What will the boss think? What about the cute computer guy? I can’t. I just can’t. I’ll just wear…a headband. At least I’m not a TOTAL party pooper.”
- The $9.99 Halloween T-shirt with matching Socks and plastic blinking Jack-o-lantern necklace-I’m guessing this is a total left-brained person. Without the creativity to become a character of some sort, she thinks it’s just fun to dress up as Halloween itself. Chances are, this person also has a secret compulsion to buy all those cheap little trinkets at the dollar store, clutter his or her office with them and call it “interior design.”
The Halloween Hoochie Mama
Happy Halloween should actually be renamed to Happy Slut-o-ween. Women who work out 3-4 days per week see this as the opportunity to exploit themselves in exchange for free shots and gocks from ghouls. In a past life, they probably chose different careers involving poles and street corners. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think pirates ever wore corsets and mini-skirts.
The Latent Transsexual
Seen as an opportunity to pose as the opposite sex, these men wake up in the morning, turn on their Culture Club Greatest Hits CD, and are elated to put on pantyhose and bras exposing their hairy chests. They rob their wife’s (or mother’s) make-up and turn their ugly mugs into some sick attempt to look like Cher. High-heels remain a challenge for them; however, the secret pleasure of adding a few inches seems like an every day event. Don’t take my word for it. Observe the over-the-top happiness that radiates from their pretty eyes.
The Shocker*
*(It’s not what you think. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
Finally, I envy those who fall into this category. The people who possess the talent to create a costume which causes a dropping of the jaw, a scream from the gut or an outburst of laughter are usually the ones who go home with the prize money. These people have been blessed by the true spirit of Halloween. Just because their costumes make everyone feel like a loser, this doesn’t exclude them from being freaks. I mean, Isn’t that always the case with those creative types? I’m happy that once a year, people’s sick and disgusting thoughts have a place in this world. And it’s during this wonderful holiday that these weirdoes can feel, well, normal.
